im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
