So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
