don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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