are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
