Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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