think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
