Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
