Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
