it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
