I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My liver just had a heart attack.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
