im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
