Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
