I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
