those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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