Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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