I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
