Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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