ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No subtext here. People are naked.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
