I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
