Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
her vagine was all disorganized.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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