Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
