I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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