This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I supernannyed him into submission
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
