Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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