i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
