i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
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