i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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