I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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