she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
