He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
