So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
