Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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