I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
