i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
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Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
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It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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