im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
