My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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