3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
