Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
and you fell through a lawn chair
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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