I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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