You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
