My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
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Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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