I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
