why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
