Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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