I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
