You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
