Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
