So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
