I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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