i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
