No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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