we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
