Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
