it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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