loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
