thus making me awesome and them whores
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
