Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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