Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
