the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
