Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
