i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
