cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
