Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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