True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
