i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
