my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize