I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
