my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
