I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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