i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
