new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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