Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
