It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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