I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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