i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
there's paper in my vomit.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
