I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
