just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
