The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
