Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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