I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
